kids games on the 'net

below is a great link we discovered online which features some unique games for children on the 'net. enjoy!

http://pbskids.org/games/index.html

Eating Green

Eating Green

No preaching, no finger-wagging, just the facts on what's worth buying organic and what's really not
Stephanie Wood, Parenting Magazine

The headlines are hard for any mom to ignore: We're bombarded with reports, studies, and, frankly, conjecture about whether the way we grow, harvest, and store food before it gets to our family's dinner table (or that fetus in the womb) is harmful or not. "During pregnancy and exclusive breastfeeding, all of what your baby receives nutritionally comes from what you eat. It's a time of greatest control and opportunity, as well as greatest risk," notes the Al Gore of the pediatric world, Alan Greene, M.D., author of Raising Baby Green: The Earth Friendly Guide to Pregnancy, Childbirth, and Baby Care (and yes, that's his real name!). Later, when your baby moves to solids and table food, choosing organics at least some of the time can reduce her intake of the pesticides, hormones, and antibiotics commonly used in agriculture today.

Of course, no one is really against organic foods (how can you dis Mother Nature's best?), but Dr. Greene's take is only one side of the story. Many authorities, including the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), don't feel you need to spend the extra, sometimes substantial, cabbage, if you will, on these foods. "Organic foods are better for the environment, of course, but the science does not support their superiority," notes pediatrician Steven Abelowitz, M.D., medical director of Coastal Kids Pediatric Group in Newport Beach and Laguna Niguel, California. "Neither the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) nor the AAP makes any claims that they're more nutritious or safer than other foods. To a pediatrician, making sure your baby receives a balanced diet is what is preferable."

Although that message is refreshingly reassuring, going organic at least some of the time appeals to many families. But the truth is, certain foods will have a bigger impact than others. So to help you get the most organic bang for your buck whether you're pregnant or introducing table foods, take a bite out of this menu plan before you hit the grocery store, er, farmers market. FYI: None of these recommendations are hard-and-fast. Take what you like, leave the rest.

During Pregnancy

Pregnancy is naturally a time when you scrutinize every bite you take, so splurging on some organic foods is likely to feel like the right thing to do. But what you choose to buy organic during pregnancy depends on only one key factor — what you crave, says registered dietitian Bridget Swinney, author of the books Eating Expectantly, Baby Bites, and Healthy Food for Healthy Kids. Keep a journal of what you eat over a period of about two weeks, then put your money where your mouth is and buy organic versions of the foods that top your list if they also appear high on the toxin charts, Swinney emphasizes. Peaches, apples, strawberries, and potatoes are common culprits (Get even more info at Foodnews.org).

Dr. Greene has two other suggestions for moms-to-be. His biggest beef at this stage is with, well, beef. He points to a recent study that found a link between mothers who ate conventional beef more than once a day during pregnancy and low sperm counts in their adult sons. The men in this study were also three times more likely to have consulted a fertility specialist, according to study author Shanna Swan, Ph.D., an ob-gyn professor at the University of Rochester School of Medicine in New York.

Plus, grass-fed, organically raised cattle are leaner and healthier overall, says Dr. Greene, and their meat can have about five times the amount of brain-building omega-3 fatty acids as regular beef. Though the cost of organic meat can be double that of regular, Dr. Greene suggests treating it like a side dish and eating smaller servings to keep the meal cost the same. If you'd rather spend your money elsewhere, simply buy lean cuts of beef and stick to four servings or less a week.

You can also consider another source of organic protein that may be less expensive than beef: soy. In fact, if you are a tofu, edamame, or soy-milk lover already, Dr. Greene recommends going green here for sure. That's because 80 percent of the soybean crops grown today are genetically modified, which means the genetic code of the food has been altered in a lab to make it more weed- or bug-resistant. Dr. Greene says the problem is that no one really knows yet what impact genetically modified foods will have on our health and our farmlands. Stick with organic in this case and you avoid the potential risk.

Finally, think about switching to organic milk. It's one of the top organics on Dr. Greene's list simply because pregnant women (and later, children over age 1) need to consume so much calcium, which is readily available in many dairy products. And though the FDA maintains that all types of milk are equally safe, choosing organic means saying no to a whole chemical system of agriculture — an important step given that many environmental toxins are stored in the fat that so many dairy products contain.

A less expensive option: Look for milk that's growth-hormone-free (also known as rBVH-free or rBST-free).

Wondering if there's anything left you don't have to think about? Eggs. Egg-laying hens aren't given growth hormones (like chickens raised for food), says Swinney, nor are the eggs likely to be exposed to antibiotics. The birds stop laying if they are sick. Who knew?

For New Moms

You might expect the nutrition advice for new moms to be the same as during pregnancy, and certainly the above suggestions still hold true. But there are a few more recommendations to keep in mind, depending on whether your baby is drinking breast milk, formula, or a combination.

If you're breastfeeding: Because the only DHA (an omega-3 fatty acid that's especially important to brain and vision development) your baby gets in his diet comes from your breast milk, eating DHA-rich seafood like salmon is super-important for you (experts recommend you shoot for 300 to 500 milligrams of DHA a day, and a serving of salmon packs that and more). But sometimes it seems as if you need a food science degree just to know which types of seafood are best. Between all the concern surrounding the contaminants many fish are exposed to, the fact that there's no organic classification for seafood, and the reality that some fish are healthier when they're farmed and others when they're wild-caught, it's enough to make you skip the fish counter altogether.

Don't give up yet! There are a few things you can do. As far as how much and what type to eat, here are a few guidelines: You can safely down 12 ounces, or two servings, a week of wild salmon (not farm-raised), tilapia, shrimp, catfish, cod, and haddock. As for the ever popular tuna, however, opt for the canned "chunk light" variety and limit yourself to one can a week. You want to avoid "white" and "albacore" tuna, along with big fish like swordfish, shark, grouper, and fresh tuna (for more details, visit OceansAlive.org). You can also look for the Marine Stewardship Council (MSC) logo, which certifies where the fish came from (farmed or wild).

The other important food category nursing moms should consume lots of is vitamin A–rich red, orange, and yellow fruits and veggies. "In fact, one of the most important things you can do for yourself and your baby is to double your daily intake of colorful foods; have two servings at every meal and one at every snack," says Elizabeth Somer, R.D., author of Nutrition for a Healthy Pregnancy. If you choose to skip the organics, look for produce that says "vine-ripened" or "tree-ripened." They'll have more nutrients, which promote better health, Somer notes.

If you're bottle-feeding: You're already spending a small fortune on regular formula. If you're using a type with added DHA, you're spending even more. If you make the jump to an organic version, you may wonder if there will be anything left in your food budget for yourself. Fortunately, a decision has been made on this one for you: Most of the sources we consulted agree that it's more important that your baby have a DHA-enhanced formula than an organic one, so spend your money on that if you can't afford both. And if plain old formula is what's in your budget, that's A-OK, too.

From 6 to 12 Months

You're probably getting ready to make the transition to solids, if you haven't started already. If you're not buying organic, don't feel guilty. Most experts agree that parents really don't need to spend money on organic jarred baby food unless they want to. Although the standards for ingredients used in baby food are the same as those for everything else, most major manufacturers voluntarily maintain stricter agricultural and cooking practices. And indeed, numerous tests have shown that the levels of pesticide residue in baby food are consistently lower than government standards. That said, some organic proponents, such as The Environmental Working Group, believe that there are still too many residual toxins in baby food — even if they are lower than the standards. Feeling whipsawed? Keep in mind that it's perfectly fine to straddle the line, going green in some places and not others. In this case, if your child loves, loves, loves peaches or some other food high on the pesticide chart, you can always just buy that food organic.

There is one exception to all of this: making your own food. If you choose to be your baby's personal chef, it's always best to buy organic. That's because, pound for pound, babies eat and drink more than adults, which means they tend to be exposed to a higher concentration of toxins than we are, says Dr. Greene.

From 1 Year to 18 Months

Once your baby graduates to a grown-up diet, you may consider adding a few organic items to his menu some of the time. Organic whole cow's milk or whole-bean soy milk are good places to start — for exactly the same reasons you might choose them in pregnancy. "Because high-fat whole milk is such a big part of a toddler's diet and because environmental chemicals are stored in fat, I'd try to buy organic milk when a baby is switched from breast milk or formula," says Swinney. Three other popular organic choices for toddlers are potatoes, apples, and ketchup, again because kids eat so much of them. Plus, organic ketchup has double the level of antioxidants, according to a study by researchers at the University of California, Davis.

Just in case you need to hear it again: Eating green is never an all-or-nothing proposition. Dr. Greene suggests you do a little at a time, and whatever you can afford. Your baby will thrive as long as you aim to feed him a well-balanced healthy diet, free of as many processed foods as possible, organic or not. And preserving the environment for your child is just like politics: Every little vote for the future counts.

5 weird things about newborns

we thought this article was a little out of the ordinary, but it is true, a lot of these "weird things" are very common...

By Elizabeth Cohen
CNN

ATLANTA, Georgia (CNN) -- It's hard to believe now, but once upon a time, Michelle Duggar was a new mom. Now the Arkansas mother is famous for having 17 children, but she can still remember how her first child had a huge belly button when he was born 19 years ago.

"I was like, 'Something is wrong with my baby!' " says Duggar. "It was kind of a shock."

But Duggar's pediatrician explained that Joshua's bulging belly button was nothing to worry about. He told her it would probably go away by his second birthday, and indeed it did. That's why Duggar didn't panic when her fifth child, Jessa, was also born with what's technically called an "umbilical hernia." (Click to see an umbilical hernia)

Huge belly buttons, acne befitting an adolescent, and swollen breasts (on boys, too!) are just a few of the surprises that sometimes await parents. "I can get some really panicked parents," says Dr. Laura Jana, pediatrician and co-author of "Heading Home with Your Newborn: From Birth to Reality." "There are many things that look so dramatic, but actually are perfectly normal."

Here, from Jana and other pediatric authorities, are five newborn shockers that really are nothing to worry about

Baby acne

Jana says she gets lots of phone calls about baby faces full of zits, which usually happens when a baby is 3 or 4 weeks old. "Baby acne can be very dramatic and very red, and all over the face," she says.

It's also normal, harmless, and usually goes away. Baby acne occurs when hormonal changes stimulate oil glands in the baby's skin, according to the National Institutes of Health. It usually goes away on its own with a few weeks. "Parents sometimes want to wash it with soaps or astringents," says Jana, who advises them just to leave it alone. (Click here to see baby acne)

Big baby boobs

Again, hormones are the culprit here. A baby who's been bathing in mom's hormones for nine months can sometimes come out of the womb with enlarged breasts -- even boys. (Click here to see what they look like) Sometimes even a little milk comes out (called "witch's milk"). Both conditions go away in a few weeks and are of no concern, according to the NIH.

Crossed eyes

Jana, and her coauthor, Jennifer Shu, say parents also worry about crossed eyes. In the first six weeks of life, many babies cross their eyes. If it goes on past six weeks, call your pediatrician, advised the Children's Medical Center of Dallas, Texas.

Cradle cap

Being a parent of a newborn is stressful enough -- imagine looking down and seeing thick, scaly patches on your baby's tiny, delicate head. It's called cradle cap (Click here to see it) and it's harmless, pediatricians say.

According to the Mayo Clinic's Web site, cradle cap usually goes away within a few months, but can look pretty unsightly in the meantime. The Mayo Clinic advises washing your baby's hair once a day with mild baby shampoo, and loosening the scales with a small soft-bristled brush before rinsing the shampoo.

Third nipple

Some parents are shocked to see their baby has a third nipple. But according to the NIH, they're actually fairly common. Small and not well formed, a third (and perhaps more) nipples can be seen below the regular two.

The NIH's Web site says no treatment is needed, and no need to worry -- the extra nipples will not develop into breasts at puberty.

So if your baby has one of these conditions and you're still worried -- even though you realize that it's probably not a big deal, call your pediatrician, advises Jana. "To be respectful, don't call at 2 in the morning. But you should call," she says.

Jana says it's normal to still be concerned after your doctor has said everything's OK.

Sharon Roth was so worried about her son Peter's huge belly button when she took him home from the hospital that she e-mailed a photo of it to her pediatrician, Dr. Lance Goodman, who was on vacation in Europe.

"He e-mailed me back saying it was fine, and I felt better," says Roth, who lives in Boca Raton, Florida.

Peter is now 6 weeks old, and even though Goodman has reassured her many times, she still feels uneasy about his belly button, which she says is the size of a large strawberry.

"Dr. Goodman told me it will go away. I hope it's soon," she says.

http://www.cnn.com/2007/HEALTH/family/11/08/ep.baby.weirdness/index.html

Easy Ways to Care for your Childs Hair

Tips without tears (for either of you!)
Amy Roberts, Parenting Magazine

Shampoo savvy
Babies: Washing hair once or twice a week is usually enough. If your baby has cradle cap, which (despite the flakes) is an oily-skin condition, wash with a dandruff shampoo two or three times a week after massaging a little olive or baby oil onto his scalp to loosen the flakes, says Ari Brown, M.D., a pediatrician and coauthor of Baby 411.

Toddlers: Three times a week is fine (more often if he's got a penchant for mashing bananas on his head).

Preschoolers and up: As your child's hair gets longer, wash it every other day (less often for very curly, dry, or African-American hair; in these cases, you can use conditioner once a week, too).

At any age: Always shampoo at the end of the bath so your child's not sitting in the sudsy water, which could irritate sensitive skin.

What's the difference between baby shampoo and regular?
Adult shampoos contain chemicals called anionics (most common: ammonium laurel sulfate) that create the rich lather that most people want, to feel the shampoo is cleaning well. These can be very drying, but since adults use conditioner and other styling products and have oilier skin than kids, it's not really an issue. And while baby shampoos may claim to be tear-free, avoid getting any shampoo in kids' eyes, since even the baby kind can sting.

Smooth moves
How to comb painlessly, from Anita Bianche, the director of training for Cool Cuts 4 Kids hair salons:

DO use a wide-tooth comb, or a boar-bristle or paddle brush, on dry hair. Avoid using your vent brush, which has tiny teeth that can snag.

DON'T start at the top -- you'll just make tangles worse. Instead, begin at the ends and slowly work your way up the hair shaft, gently pulling apart knots with your fingers.

DO the hair at the nape of the neck first, which tends to get most tangled.

DON'T wet bad snarls. They'll only get more matted. Work in some regular hair conditioner or spray detangler, and hold the hair at the scalp while you gently comb out.

Stay-put tricks
To calm a fidgety or unhappy kid through his first (or hundredth) haircut, from Joanne Dupont, director of training at Snip-its kids' salons:

Get ready. Bring your child to your next haircut so he sees it's not scary. For his appointment, ask for a stylist who's comfortable with kids. Schedule it for after naptime or when he's awake and happy.

Get set. Bring along a favorite toy, book, or lovey. Don't warn the stylist about his nerves or fidgetiness in front of him.

Go! Have the stylist start with the edges (bangs, above ears, behind the neck) in case she doesn't get to finish. Let him look in the mirror as she works, and have her calmly explain what she's doing. [pagebreak]

Conquer that cowlick
A protruding tuft can be adorable, but you want to tame it:

Blow-dry hair smooth from the roots down to the ends using a closely bristled brush.

Let hair grow longer. "A cowlick needs either weight to keep it down or length to blend it away," says Anita Bianche.

Use styling gel or cream to slick it down -- or to play it up, as shown here. Spiky is in! Blend it in with surrounding strands on top.

Damage control
Your child played Beauty Parlor -- and got in a few good clips before you saw. What to do? If it's...

In the front: Try combing more hair forward and cutting bangs (see below for tips) to even it out. For a girl, a cute headband or clips also work well to hold and hide the short pieces while they grow.

A missing chunk: If you can, change the part to cover the "hole." Or ask a stylist to create a cute layered cut to blend in the jaggedness.

An allover hack job: Don't fix this at home! Your stylist will need to assess how to make it look best. If all else fails, try a cute hat.

All the trimmings
Start with damp hair, says Jennifer Bilek, a New York City stylist (www.getcoiffed.com) who specializes in kids' hair. Her tips:

Bangs: Comb hair straight back; it'll fall into its natural part. Comb hair down on sides. At forehead hairline, pull out a thin triangle-shaped wedge of hair. Don't include longer (non-bang) strands or hair farther back than three-quarters of an inch from hairline. With the middle section of hair between index and middle fingers, slide fingers down hair to brows; snip straight across. Repeat with two side sections.

Around ears and neck: Comb hair toward ear. Fold ear down; clip carefully with trimmers -- they're easier to control than scissors -- following ear's shape and neck contour, ears first, then across neck.

Tips for Traveling with Kids

With Spring Break approaching, many families will be going on vacation and traveling with their kids. Below is a link to an entire website geared towards this topic... Happy Traveling!!!

http://www.travelwithyourkids.com/

Kid-Friendly Recipes: Little Dippers

kids really enjoying fondues... this link provides some great recipes that you can enjoy with them!

http://www.parenting.com/article/Toddler/-/Kid-Friendly-Recipes-Little-Dippers

happy valentine's day

enjoy the day with your loved ones!

wishing it was the summer!

we're having miserable weather on the east coast currently and this picture of Luke reminds me of the summer and wishing it was here!

the itsy bitsy spider is coming to town

we are getting ready to showcase our products at the next Mommy Market sale in our area! we have been doing a lot of designing and sewing and are very excited to get out in the market. our products are truely one-of-a-kind and like no others. we take pride in our quality and strive to exceed our customers expectations!

be sure to join us on April 12th at the Gwyn-Nor elementary school if you are in the Philadelphia area.

love your friends at itsy bitsy :)

Diane & Katie Pietrak

What to Do with Kid Art

What to Do with Kid Art
By Melisa Coburn

Fridge getting cluttered with all those incredible original creations? Here are 14 ideas for what to do with the very best of the artwork your kid brings home.

Regardless of your kid's natural artistic talent, it's likely you'll feel that every finger painting, stick-figure drawing, and macaroni collage he produces is a masterpiece.

But alas, only so many works of art will fit on the front of your fridge. And at this point, there's a mini avalanche every time you reach for the milk. Here, 14 unique alternatives to the cluttered fridge door.

Create an Art Wall
Take a cue from the art classrooms of your elementary school days and hang up a clothesline in a designated "art space" -- fasten it to a wall in the kitchen, her bedroom, or the playroom. Then just attach pieces with a clothespin. Swap in new pictures as quickly as she's able to produce them. (We like this display method because it's budget-friendly and it's aesthetically neutral and will likely fit in with any decor.) For a punch of color, use a colored string of beads or ribbon instead of basic clothesline or twine, and attach drawings with painted clothespins, colored paper clips, or even cute, multicolored kids' barrettes or hair clips.

Turn It into a Postage Stamp
Upload an image and turn it into a totally legit, U.S. Postal Service-approved stamp (scan in the piece of artwork, or take a digital pic of it and upload it from your computer). This is a great way to add a personal touch to any letter or holiday card you send -- and seeing your kid's creation on that stamp will be way more fun than the latest official post office stamp or that boring red flag. We like pictureitpostage.com because you can create oversize stamps (all the better to see the artwork), with lots of options for customizing type color and background. Two printed sheets of 20 stamps are $17.95.

Send It Off to Interested Parties (i.e., the Grandparents)
Grandma complains she doesn't hear from you enough? Let your kid send a missive (kids love to send and receive mail, and Grandma will love getting something so personal). Take your kid's art and glue it to brightly colored construction paper or card stock -- then have him write a personal note to Grandma (or a favorite aunt or uncle) on the back. Now Grandma's got something for her fridge.

love to sew!

we love to sew and have been getting good use out of our pfaff machine which we purchased last year.... this is just one of four sewing machines we own :)

Immunity Boosters for Babies

Keep your little one healthy all winter - Parenting.com
By Stephanie Wood, Babytalk

Good germs sounds like a contradiction, but that's what probiotics are, says Jose Saavedra, M.D., associate professor of pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University Medical School. Here's how they can help:

Benefits: Probiotics restore balance to the digestive system and ease diarrhea (from a bug or antibiotics). Given in the early months, some may even help prevent allergies. One study found that probiotic drops relieved colic.

Where to get them: Breastfed babies naturally have a higher level of good bacteria. Bottle-fed babies can drink the probiotic-fortified Nestlè Good Start Natural Cultures formula, and Beech Nut's Good Morning and Good Evening baby foods contain prebiotics, a type of fiber that fosters the growth of probiotics. Older babies can get them from certain kinds of yogurt and yogurt drinks (try Stonyfield Farms products). And some doctors recommend probiotic supplements (Florastor Kids, Culturelle for Kids) for antibiotic-related diarrhea. Always talk to your doctor, however, before switching formulas or giving supplements.

Parenting as a Team

Parenting as a Team
William Sears, M.D., and Martha Sears, R.N., Parenting Magazine

Before we had children, my wife, Martha, and I thought mothers and fathers had different approaches to parenting. And we were right -- they often do. But after 34 years of raising eight kids, we've come to realize that these varied viewpoints can actually complement one another and that parents, just like members of a sports team, need to work together to make things run smoothly.
That's why Martha and I have been careful not to see parenting as a contest. When we disagree, we try to look for solutions together rather than figure out who's "right" and who's "wrong"; this helps us combine the best of our methods so our kids benefit. Here, the lessons we've learned about his-and-her parenting over the years.

Act as a team and rely on each other
Act as a team from the start.
The first few months of a baby's life are a critical time for moms and dads to start learning how to care for their child together. Sudden lifestyle changes that come with a newborn can overwhelm a couple, and it's during this high-maintenance stage that the "I'll do it my way" approach will just make parenting more difficult.
For example, with our first child, James, we disagreed on how to respond to his cries. Martha thought that it was important to react immediately, while I tended to be more laid-back and wait a few minutes. But we soon realized that by not responding to James in the same way, we'd only make him fuss more. So instead, we talked it over, and when Martha explained that crying is a baby's only way of communicating that he needs Mom or Dad, I began to appreciate her tactic. I saw that the quicker we attended to James, the less he fussed -- and the happier all of us were.

And there were times -- particularly with our eldest daughter, Hayden, who was a very needy baby -- when Martha was completely drained but would still scoop up our little ones the second they made a peep. I knew that since Martha was a sensitive mother, she would keep giving and giving until she was physically and emotionally spent. That's why I'd often step in and say, "I'll comfort the baby. You need a break," and then take Hayden outside for a walk while Martha relaxed before dinner. Hayden became one of the best parenting instructors we ever had: She helped us discover how necessary it is to share parenting responsibilities -- from changing diapers to telling bedtime stories -- both for our sanity and for the good of our children.

Learn to rely on each other.
Through my experience as a parent and working with hundreds of others, I've come to a realization: If Mom and Dad are happy, the kids are more apt to be too. That's why it's essential to keep tabs on each other's well-being --and to know how to ask for help: Many parents don't look for assistance, thinking they should be able to do it all, until they "lose it."
One day, a few of the kids were driving Martha crazy, constantly calling "Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!" I knew that she'd battle onward, ever calm, endlessly giving. But I encouraged her to tell them, "You're disturbing my peace; go ask your daddy," and now she does that without hesitation. And, likewise, if Martha knows I have something pressing to do, she'll take care of my share of kid and household responsibilities. Bottom line: We're not only sensitive to each other's needs, we also act on them.

Display discipline and unite
Appreciate each other's approach to discipline.
Mothers and fathers often view discipline differently -- not better or worse, just differently. If used wisely, such differences can be good for kids. When our children did something mischievous, I tended to react sternly, whereas Martha was more likely to talk about what had happened and try to understand their viewpoints and feelings. One time, when our daughter Lauren was 2, she grabbed a carton of milk out of the refrigerator, and it spilled all over the floor. I was very annoyed and on the verge of delivering a loud lecture, while Lauren was about to disintegrate completely. Then Martha stepped in.
She got down to Lauren's eye level and said, "Would you like to help me clean it up?" Lauren nodded, and peace was restored as they worked together. Later I asked Martha how she'd known this was the way to handle the situation. She replied, "I asked myself, 'If I were Lauren, how would I want my mom to react?'" This lesson about trying to see things through my kids' eyes helped me when they were behaving badly for reasons I couldn't immediately understand.

Meanwhile, Martha would often ramble when talking to our children about their misbehavior and would quickly lose their attention. For example, if she was reprimanding them about leaving their bikes in the driveway instead of in the garage, she'd try to explain why doing so was wrong. I, on the other hand, would get the point across by saying, "If your bike isn't where it belongs, you won't be allowed to ride it for two weeks." Martha says I taught her that some situations were best handled with few words. Sometimes, kids simply need to hear "No, you can't do that."

After countless trial-and-error regimens, it's amazing how our discipline styles have blended. Martha has become more assertive and firm, I've become softer, and we've each found an approach that works best for our children.

Present a united front.
"But Mom said I could have a cookie!" "Dad always lets me watch TV." Sound familiar? Children can be crafty about playing one parent against the other, which is why mothers and fathers need to help their kids understand that they, as a team, are the ones in charge.
I remember one occasion when our daughter Erin, 9 at the time, was pleading and pleading for a trendy toy that Martha and I had already privately agreed we weren't going to buy. When we both said no, she got the message that there was no use in pushing the issue further, since she couldn't divide us.

At times, we'd listen to our kids and end the discussion with "We'll talk it over." Martha and I would then weigh each other's opinions out of earshot -- since listening to parents disagree can confuse a child under the age of 5. We'd come to a compromise and get back to them with the answer. As our children got older, we felt comfortable letting them watch us work out our decision.

It's also critical always to stick up for your partner. Once, when Erin was getting sassy with Martha, I said, "Erin, I expect you to be kind to the woman I love." Ten years later, she still remembers that statement -- it conveyed where her parents stood with each other.

Take time for two
Take time out as a couple.
It's easy to get so caught up in your kids' lives that you let your relationship as husband and wife slip to the sidelines. For this reason, Martha and I have always tried to have one date night a week -- which usually includes a relaxing dinner at a local restaurant.
We also started a hobby together. We took swing-dancing lessons years ago, and we still enjoy it. Whether you play tennis, go to a movie, or simply take a walk through a park, the most important thing is to make time for yourselves as a couple, not just as parents. After all, this is why you became teammates in the first place.

Last year Hayden got married, and during our father-daughter dance, images of her life flashed through my mind -- everything from cradling her to helping her pack for college. I couldn't believe that here I was, dancing with this grown woman, once the baby who taught us a lot about parenting. It turns out we weren't the only ones learning lessons about raising kids all these years. Toward the end of the song, Hayden whispered in my ear, "Daddy, what I remember most about you and Mom is how much you enjoyed each other."

Contributing editor William Sears, M.D., and Martha Sears, R.N., are authors of The Baby Book.

New-Mom Nightmares

New-Mom Nightmares
As many as 75 percent of new moms have anxious dreams about their infants' safety -- here's why...

By Jennifer Abbasi

Ever dream that your baby is lost under the covers in your bed, left on a train, or in some other danger? Join the club. As many as 75 percent of new moms have anxious dreams about their infants' safety that wake them in the middle of the night, according to a study in the journal Sleep. Researchers believe heightened emotions, sleep deprivation, and hormonal changes may cause the powerful hallucinogenic dreams. Studies are ongoing, but the scientists expect they subside around six months after a baby is born. Until then, if nightmares about your infant are interfering with your sleep, knowing you're not alone, and talking to your partner or a friend about the dreams, may help put the disruptions to rest.

Parenting, December/January 2008

Forming a Babysitter Co-op

Forming a Babysitter Co-op

By Wendy Nichols Clark
The last time Jacqueline Jugenheimer needed a sitter for her son Constantin, 11 months, she had a qualified caregiver lined up after just one phone call. And the help was free. The reason: She, along with 12 other families, belongs to the Westside Babysitting Co-operative, in Madison, WI.

Co-ops are groups of parents who take turns caring for one another's kids. Members watch someone else's child to earn credits, then "spend" those points when they need a sitter of their own. They can use the service as little or as often as they want.

To start your own group:

Find three like-minded friends. You can launch a co-op with as few as four families and one short meeting, says Gary Myers, author of Smart Mom's Baby-sitting Co-op Handbook. (Your kids don't have to be the same age, but it's a bonus.)

Create an accounting system. You might award one point for every 15 minutes of babysitting, regardless of how many kids you care for. Or give an extra point per child, says Myers. Start everyone off with, say, eight to ten points in the bank. Keep track of the balances in a logbook or "pay" one another with printed coupons.

Agree on the ground rules. Will you allow a family to run a negative balance in a pinch? How many kids can one mom supervise at a time?

Set safety standards. Decide on childproofing requirements and what you'll do in case of an emergency.

Choose a coordinator. Most clubs rotate the position — the person you call when you need a sitter, who then finds an available family and records the credits for both of you — each month. Some make it a full-time post and award the job holder extra points.

Establish new-member criteria. Should the family live within a certain radius? Will you require a unanimous vote before accepting them?

Schedule periodic meetings. These need be only every two to three months, but such get-togethers will ensure that the group runs smoothly and will provide a forum for airing any problems. Then sit back and relax, knowing you can now have a little kid-free time whenever you need it.

Parenting, December/January 2003